Exeter Yaroslavl Twinning Association
Общество Дружбы Ярославль-Эксетер

 

Holly Errington

But why should I die?

An original poem on ‘Notes from underground’ by Fyodor Dostoevsky

 

Part 1: Please don’t drag me under

 

A man will solve all of your problems

With his sharp wit and intellect,

He will tell you all that is wrong

With his miserable world, and you.

 

And you listen because he wins

Against toothaches, against numbers.

Perhaps not against other men,

But that is their issue, not yours.

 

He deserves a crystal medal

For his dedication to speech,

He points out your sore metal chains,

The ones you simply cannot reach.

 

Save me! Save me underground man!

I am the devil, you the lamb.

You have never been wrong a day in your life,

Now please fix mine and make me your wife.

 

Part 2: The snow is melting

 

Press the faded piano key,

Hear the violent chime of the clock,

Call me a tormentor, jealous,

Cut off my breasts so I look like god.

 

But what If I do not want god?

What if I want to look thirty-five?

What if other girls cannot help me?

What if I want to stay alive?

 

And that was when I realised, he could not help

Because he needed help himself.

He had been underground so long

He had forgotten that snow melts.

 


Notes from English ground

A brief essay on why I wrote the poem ‘But why should I die?’

 

On the 3rd of March 2021 Sarah Everard was reported missing in London, England. It was soon discovered that she had been kidnapped and murdered by an off-duty police officer. Her tragic death became a symbol for women all around England of their own fears concerning misogyny, sparking a notably large movement about ensuring women’s safety. When I heard about this horrific incident, I became fearful - I think Sarah reminded many English women of themselves. I recalled a line from the most interesting Russian Novel I have ever read, Dostoevsky’s ‘Notes from underground’, which was spoken by the character Liza: “But why should I die?” Why did Sarah Everard have to die? That is what I wanted to explore in relation to Dostoevsky’s novel, because his regressive portrayal of men’s attitudes towards women was something that stood out to me when I first read it. I chose to do this in the form of the poem above because I wanted to give Liza’s character a chance to speak for herself; the underground man is clearly an unreliable narrator, and since the entire novel is told from his point of view it seems that her story is being controlled by him. A major theme in the book is clearly male power.

 

I split the poem into two parts to mirror the division of the novel. Part one of the novel is titled ‘Underground’ so I titled part one of the poem ‘Please don’t drag me under.’ Part two of the novel is titled ‘Apropos of the wet snow’ so I titled part two of the poem ‘The snow is melting.’ This twisting of the titles reflects how men often set the precedent on important issues and women can only respond with their own opinion afterwards, much like how in relation to the Everard case, a man murdered a woman, and then women had to respond. The poem is written strictly in quatrains with an eight-syllable meter in the first few stanzas, symbolising women’s feeling of entrapment in a system rigged against them. It is only in the last stanza of part one that I divert from this, showing that there is a desire from women like Liza to fight against the system. I really enjoy reading books about people challenging the normal ways of a society, because it allows me to think about systems that should be challenged in our own.

 

In the second stanza I reflect on how the underground man views himself as a heroic rebel for not going to the dentist when he has a toothache, as well as for his insistence that 2x2 can equal 5 if he wants it to. Whilst Dostoevsky’s intention was for this to be an argument against the philosophy of rational egoism, a modern feminist reading of the text sees the man’s irrational thoughts as a representation of men’s obsessive need for power. The man acts unreasonably purely because he can (“I get into the muck on purpose.”) He wants to prove to other men, whom he directly addresses as readers throughout the novel, that he is powerful because has free will - but he forgets that this is not a luxury afforded to women. People still lend money to the underground man despite his unreliable nature and shabby clothing, whereas Liza cannot act in the way he does and must keep up her appearance to continue making money as a prostitute.

 

Stanza three of my poem mocks the underground man’s large monologues to Liza, because despite the fact that his own life is falling apart, he acts as if he is her wise saviour and barely lets her speak. I ironically award him a “crystal” medal in reference to his disdain for London’s crystal palace which symbolises the modernity he strongly despises; it is modern thinking that ultimately frees women from their restrictive role as solely mothers, and therefore once again a modern feminist reading of the novel leads me to believe that the underground man hates modernity because it gives him less power, particularly over women. Furthermore, I juxtapose the material of his “crystal” medal with her “metal” chains because in the novel the underground man tells Liza that unlike her, he is “nobody’s slave”, slyly highlighting her own status as a slave to men.

 

Stanza four of my poem mirrors how Liza believes everything the underground man tells her, because as a 19th century man he has more authority and life experience. He compares her being a prostitute to “selling your soul to the devil” and uses similar religious imagery to guilt her throughout the novel. He also repeatedly stresses to her the importance of having a husband, and this is why I chose to end part one of the poem with a desperately sad line from the narrator asking for her life to be “fixed” though marriage.

 

Stanza five borrows Dostoevsky’s motif of a piano key and clock. A piano key slots into a piano and can only play one sound, a feminist reading of the novel would clearly see this as a metaphor for women’s fixed role in society. Similarly, the clock throughout the novel “hisses” at the underground man – he gets angry at it, but it is necessary, so this can also be seen as a metaphor for how he views women. More direct references to the novel can be seen in stanza six; I chose the specific age of “thirty-five” because the underground man warns Liza that when she looks thirty-five no one will want her prostitution services, this causes her to worry about her future and see him as the only possible answer. I also mention “other girls” because the man tells her that other girls don’t care that she’s struggling – another clever manipulation tactic which encourages her to turn against other women and solely depend on him. The other girls are not in a position to help Liza like he is, because they too are women. This is why I believe it is important to read books by female authors from times like the 19th century, because their position was so different to that of their male counterparts.

 

In conclusion, this is the most interesting Russian novel I have ever read because every time I re-read it I pick up something that I did not notice before. It is full of themes that are still relevant today, hundreds of years after it was written. In particular, the current surge of feminism in England has enabled me to view the plot through a brand-new lens, and that is what I love about books - they allow you to look into someone else’s mind, and also interpret current affairs such as the Everard case in relation to history. Whilst most literary critics point out that the character of the underground man is used to comment on the flaws of rational egoism, I believe that Dostoevsky also purposefully subverts the redeemed prostitute archetype that was popular in the 19th century. The underground man is used to highlight that society doesn’t actually want to save the prostitute; it simply wants to change who she is controlled by. The underground man covertly covers this desire for power with false notions of care, and this is most evident when he says: “it was the game that fascinated me most of all.” He is a fascinating character to read because he sees everything in life as a game, and it makes me question the way I approach my own life. At the time, the redeemed prostitute theme was considered progressive, and yet now it seems condescending. This also leads me to question – in the future will people look back at us and think we are unbearably regressive? What can we change to avoid this? Personally, I think we should try and ensure that there are no more cases like Sarah Everards, or future generations may ask a similar question to Liza’s: But why did she die? Dostoevsky’s novel has influenced me to believe that the answer is egotistical male power.

 

Holly Errington

 

An image from Sarah Everards vigil on March 13th 2021

 

An image from Sarah Everards vigil on March 13th 2021

Source: https://www.kentlive.news